


Boxes

by Kildren



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Just angst, Kara is dead, Lena Luthor and her boxes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 14:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18209699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kildren/pseuds/Kildren
Summary: Lena only realized the truth after Supergirl's death, when Kara Danvers was nowhere to be found. In the end she reminds herself that Luthors don't cry.





	Boxes

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when you’ve never been in love and take joy in tearing apart two people that were meant to be together.
> 
> No, I’m just joking, please don’t believe that. I’ve been trying to write something fluffy for months but in light of recent episodes (or rather, snippets that I’ve seen), the universe is telling me it needs more angst. So here you go.

She only realized the truth after Supergirl’s death, when Kara Danvers was nowhere to be found.

She had planned for Kara to write a tribute to the heroine, thinking if anyone could manage to instill hope in National City despite its recent loss, it would be Kara—yet the reporter never came in to work. As Kara’s friend Lena thought the least she could do was let her mourn for a few days considering that she and Supergirl were close, but when a week past and Kara hadn’t replied to any of her messages she knew something was wrong. She tried calling but to no avail, for it kept ringing with no one to pick up, and then it would go to voicemail. She tried going to Kara’s apartment directly, only to find that she moved.

For a brief moment she was certain that Kara was avoiding her because of her Luthor name, because her brother was the one who took away National City’s beloved heroine—but the more she thought about it the more unlikely it seemed. Kara had always trusted her despite the odds, she should have known her role in all this chaos and the efforts she made to take down Lex.

“Where is she?” she asked Alex one day, when she headed to the DEO to wrap up the loose ends of her brother’s insanity.

The red head remained stoic. Impassive. “Who?”

“Kara.”

Alex stilled. “She’s returned home.”

“What home? Midvale? Don’t give me some bullshit excuse,” the Luthor said in a low tone. “I thought she just needed space, but now that I’m trying to find her she’s simply vanished!”

“She’s returned home,” the older woman repeated softly before being called away by an agent.

//

Lena was surprised when Alex came knocking on her door a few days later. Without a word she handed her an envelope and left. The Luthor opened it as she made way to her couch and sat, letting out a quiet gasp when she realized there were pages inside all written in Kara’s handwriting, the edges ripped in a way that showed it was torn from a notebook.

She began reading the first page.

_Lex has escaped, and this time he’s planning to get rid of Kal-El and me once and for all. After us, I fear it’s the entire alien population here on Earth..._ _and I can’t let that happened. I once hated my own powers but now I only feel lucky to have developed them, to be given a chance to protect all life on Earth_ _and_ _the people I love._

_Krypton perished when I was young, nonetheless I still blame myself for not being able to change the fate of it. It’s useless to think of, I know, but if I hadn’t used the beacon Astra given me, if she hadn’t been locked away into Fort Rozz...would Krypton still live? Sometimes I feel as though the reason I became Supergirl was to atone for my sins, to save as many people as I can here on Earth because in a way, I failed Krypton._

_In any case, I’m glad to have the ability to fight back. Alex is worried about my safety_ _because as the Director she can’t risk going out on the field this time, she can’t be there with me. She’s_ _worried that Lex has thought up an air tight plan during his stay in prison. She’_ _s_ _urged me to stay out of this but I can’t stand down—not when all life is at stake._

 _I know it’s ominous to write such words...but Alex? If you’re reading this_ _now,_ _know that I love you_ _and I’ll never stop doing so_ _. I treasure the time we spent together, from being enemies_ _to_ _sisters_ _with a bond thicker than blood. Do not mourn for me, for I will have returned home_ _into Rao’s light._ _Hono_ _u_ _r my death_ _and_ _take comfort in knowing that I died protecting lives._

_Don’t blame Kal-El if the reason for my death is him because protecting him was my duty and I will have died fulfilling it. I must admit it bothers me that people consider him to be more important, superior, even, but if_ _he’s who the people love more then I will protect him at all costs_ _. Even if he is older than me he is still my little cousin, the one my aunt and uncle begged me to care for. In fact, don’t blame anyone because_ _it’s_ _my choice to live or die, to protect and sacrifice._

_If all goes well I’ll burn these pages away, but if it doesn’t..._ _I_ _trust that you know what to do._ _My only regret is that I can no longer be there for all the people I love, especially..._

The words stopped there, along with a few angry scribbles.

_I know we’ve talked about this, but I still stand by my decision even though there’s a chance I might not survive. I can’t hurt her any more than I already have. Even in the face of death I’m selfish and cowardly, I want her to remember me fondly—I couldn’t bear for the truth to come out and knowing that she’d never look at me the same away again, it’d hurt more than it already does. I hope you understand that I want to cherish what little I have left with her. I promised to protect her, to always be there for her...I’ve failed her once but I won’t let it happen a second time. People make mistakes, but as Supergirl I can’t afford to make anymore wrong ones...she can never know who I am._

Lena looked at the next one, which seemed to have been written another time.

_I never understood what love is. I can understand how it feels to love family, to care for animals and to treasure things I hold dear to me...but love? Romantic love? It’s such a foreign concept._ _At first with Kenny, it was curiosity. The Danvers were constantly telling me that I should conceal my true self, but Kenny said he liked me the way I am,_ _powers and all_ _. I’ve never been able to get over his death, a kind and gentle soul being taken away for all the wrong reasons... _

_ All the later _ _ attempts at romance were futile efforts to blend in with humans, to be happy. Mon-El...I thought I loved him because he was like me, an alien on Earth, one of the few who I could truly be myself with—I tried to hold on to him, even when he came back from the future and told me he w _ _ as _ _ married to Imra... _

_I couldn’t have been more wrong. I’m glad that he’s gone, and that we’ve left behind what we once had._

_ Seeing Kal-El and Lois, I know that I can find love with a human...but not with you. I didn’t expect for it to happen, I thought it was just a girl crush  _ _ or  _ _ admiration caused by your beauty and wit. By the time I realized how I truly felt, we’ve gone past the point of no return.  _ _ You deserve the best, and I know that I’m anything but.  _

_ Despite how undeserving I am of you, I want to tell you  _ _ I love you.  _ _ I think of you often and wonder what you’re doing. Sometimes I fly by just to catch a glimpse of you. I make excuses just to see you.  _ _ I feel all the things that are described in romantic comedies and cheesy novels, all the cliche happenings when one meets the other _ _.  _ _ I longed _ _ for it  _ _ to happen  _ _ and I regret that I choose to not have it, even when you’re right in front of me. _

_ I’m more than often angry at myself, for being alien...for being me. For being the one you trust, and the one you don’t. I try  _ _ to  _ _ ignore what I feel but I find myself falling deeper and deeper...sometimes I even wish I had never met you, but that thought vanishes from my mind whenever you smile at me.  _

_ I can live a life without you by my side, but I can’t imagine a life without you in it. _ _ How could I have ever wished for your absence? I love you too much and it frightens me. The lengths I could go to, the things that I’d do  _ _ for you...the way you sway me with your very presence, a simple word... _

_ Nonetheless I love you, despite the roles we have in this life, despite the obstacles we face...I know I do.  _ _ I love you, but I don’t deserve to have you, to hold you. I can only hope to stay by your side and use the rest of my life, if need be, to make you see that I truly care for you, to regain what was lost due to my idiocy.  _ _ Please forgive me for being dishonest _ _ with you. _

_ You won’t see this anyway. Why do I bother? Maybe I hope that you’ll read this. Maybe I’m hoping that you reciprocate my feelings, that somehow we’ll be happy together. If it were that simple then I wouldn’t have to feel like this. _ _ Do you think if I confessed everything to you, we could have that happy ending? _

_A Super falling for a Luthor...who would have thought?_

And there it ends.

Lena slackens her grip on the papers and they flutter to the floor. Kara is Supergirl. Supergirl is dead. _Kara_ is dead. She thinks back to the battle that went live on TV because Lex wanted the world to see the eradication of the Supers. She remembers the tense atmosphere at the DEO as everyone watched her brother fall, but not before heavily injuring Supergirl with a satisfied smirk on his face.

Chaos ensued when Superman flew in with Kara, pleading them to help her first despite himself being on the verge of collapse, his body battered and bruised. Alex’s anger turned into distraught when she realized all attempts were failing. Tears were eventually shed because there was nothing they could do.

Most importantly, she remembers the way Kara had looked at her with a soft smile despite all the pain she must have been feeling and mouthed words that no one could hear nor understand, right before the line went dead.

Lena gets up from the couch and finds a bottle of red in the kitchen. She pours it out into a glass and stares at it until the liquid overflows and spills onto the white counter top. The Luthor sets the bottle down and begins looking for a towel to clean up the mess. The towel soaks up as much as it can and Lena takes it over to the sink to wash and rinse it out. As she turns on the tap she reminds herself that Luthors don’t cry.

Boxes. Boxes.  _Boxes._


End file.
